Swim Suit Body

We've all heard the phrase "swimsuit body" "bikini body" "swimsuit ready". I am sick and fed up with women (and men, I'm not leaving you guys out of this one) putting pressure on themselves to look a certain way for a season just so that they can wear a swimsuit to the beach or pool. This whole idea has absolutely devastated to me in the past. When I was sick and in the throws of my eating disorder I felt great in a swimsuit but I was also starving myself. I was the weakest I've ever been. I probably couldn't even go swimming because I was so weak. Just walking on the beach wiped me out. I am now in recovery and have been for a few years now. I'm not skinny anymore, but I'm healthy, I can go swimming, I can walk on the beach and not feel like I'm gonna faint. I've even been hiking on a consistent basis (yeah! I'm literally climbing mountains!!). So this year I'm determined to not let the stress of having or not having a "swimsuit body" get me down. I've got a healthy body and sometimes that body might wear swimsuits....and its gonna be great.

I recently tried on all of my swimsuits. Even the one bikini I own. And....I didn't feel too bad in them. Years ago doing this would have totally brought me to tears and thrown me into a self destructive spiral. This is not to say I don't have my down days where I feel guilty for the bread I ate with breakfast and then have urges to exercise for 10 hours straight or not eat for the next week. But I'm stronger, I remind myself that doing those things will have the opposite affect I want, then I tell my boyfriend I need to eat a bit extra healthy, I message a girlfriend and plan a hike. I bike to work. I do what I can and stop there. 

So I tried on my swimsuits and didn't cry, I actually smiled. Not sure if I'm simply getting used to seeing my body like this of if my self esteem is actually growing. Either way I'm excited to go to the beach this summer. I feel strong and healthy and that is what matters the most. 

Me in my bikini was a bit hard to look at. But who said I have to basically wear my underwear at the beach? nobody!! So I'm keeping my bikini top and I ordered some really high waisted bottoms. This, I cannot wait to wear to the beach. Totally digging this look. So, it might not be a bikini in the traditional sense of the word but I really don't care. 

One piece swimsuits that don't look like they were meant for a child is hard to find. But last year I found this one piece wonder on Amazon and it does show a lot of my back (which takes some courage for me to show). I really love this look. So feminine with the plunging neckline but still covered enough. I even ordered it in another pattern. Again I'm so excited to go to the beach in these. 

Spring has always been an anxiety inducing time of year for me. Its warmer and there is less fabric to hide behind. Shorts are always too short. Tank tops show my arms and swimsuits reveal everything. Its a dread I get every year but every year I get through the warmer months not feeling ugly and nothing terrible happening because I'm not as skinny as society tells me I need to be. So you be you and I'll  be me and we'll all just be ourselves.

So swim suit bodies... Do you have a body? Do you have a swimsuit? yes? cool you have a swimsuit body. 

Thanks for reading and simply stay pretty.